Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
