I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
