I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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