I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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