i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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