I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
