Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
