I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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