The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
