I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
