yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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