Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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