Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
