ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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