Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
