She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's blow job season.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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