I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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