just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
