Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
