guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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