i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
