shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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