I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
