I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
