She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
