I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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