I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
