Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
