your parents love me but you hate me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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