I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
