Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
