i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
