You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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