i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
