AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
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She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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