so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
