So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
