She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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