Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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