I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
