I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
All the doctor said was why
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
