I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
