shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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