I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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