You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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