sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
