I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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