In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i already hear my dad disowning me
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
