my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
