Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
