I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
