I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
