her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
