i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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