coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
