She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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