Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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