you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
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Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
whose parrot is this?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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