apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize