I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
