i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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