I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
