idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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