Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
