so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
