I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
