champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
