your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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