ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
