Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
